Out of my Head

Pausing the blog for now.

2009-02-21T09:30:00.000-05:00

It's been a good ride but I think that this blog has come to its useful end for now.

It once was a good tool for me to get thoughts out of my head into the blog. Now, I find I'm busy with work, family and other commitments. I still write but I only have time to add it in a journal.

You can find me on Facebook these days.

Sunday's Willardism

2008-12-21T09:41:00.000-05:00

"In short, nondiscipleship costs you exactly the abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring (John 10:10)" (Dallas Willard - "The Great Omission" page 9)

Weekend Willardism

2008-12-20T09:35:00.000-05:00

I heard Dallas Willard say this at a conference a few years ago: "The Kingdom of God is the range of God's effective will."

A Friday Willardism

2008-12-19T09:31:00.000-05:00

"You may be very sure that if your sincere intent is to glorify God and bless others in your efforts, and you are not motivated by unloving attitudes, you will see the hand of God move with you as you expetantly do your work." (Dallas Willard - "The Great Omission" page 22)

Thursday's Willardism

2008-12-18T09:27:00.000-05:00

"In our culture, and among Christians as well, Jesus Christ is automatically disassociated from brilliance or intellectual capacity." (Dallas Willard - "The Great Omission" page 19)

Wednesday's Willardism

2008-12-17T09:23:00.000-05:00

"We will come to understand that for the most part our hurry is really based upon pride, self-importance, fear and lack of faith, and rarely upon the production of anything of true value for anyone." (Dallas Willard - "The Great Omission" page 29)

Willardism of the Day

2008-12-16T09:20:00.000-05:00

"Solitude well practiced will break the power of busyness, haste, isolation and loneliness. You will see the world is not on your shoulders after all." (Dallas Willard - "The Great Omission" pg 36)

Willardisms

2008-12-15T21:16:00.002-05:00

My favorite author is Dallas Willard. Over the next few days I'm going to share a few quotes of his that I enjoy.

"Far from being a mere absence, silence allows the reality of God to stand in the midst of your life. It is like the wind of eternity blowing in your face." (The Great Omission, page 36)

An Open Letter to Stephen King

2008-06-30T18:16:00.003-04:00

Dear Stephen,

Give me back my wife. Whenever she reads one of your books, she becomes so engrossed, I feel like you have taken her from me.

So, I propose that you do not write any more new books. That way she can't be engrossed by any new material.

Thankfully, my wife reads quickly so her absence is short. Last Saturday she began reading "Duma Key" and I expect she'll finish it tonight (Monday).

She comments on the book to me and laughs heartily at your sense of humor. That's the extent of her communication with me when she's reading.

Sincerely Yours,

A Lonely Husband

Pampered Bunz

2008-05-26T21:22:00.002-04:00

Let me share with you a letter I just wrote to Proctor & Gamble:

Proctor & Gamble:

Enclosed is an article I read in our Sunday paper. The article explains how you have threatened to sue a small business owner because her product is name Pampered Bunz. Apparently your legal department thought this name was too close to your product named Pampers.

I think this is outrageous behavior by Proctor & Gamble. This lady's product and name are no threat to P&G. You have lived up to the stereotype of the big corporate bully.

As a result of your behavior our household will no longer be purchasing the following products:
* Dawn dish soap
* Gain laundry detergent
* Always feminine products
* Cascade dishwasher soap

And, I will be sure to let our friends know of the behavior of Proctor & Gamble.

My 2 year old swore!

2008-03-21T20:04:00.003-04:00

I love hearing my son's vocabulary make leaps and bounds every week. He has an explosion of words that we're now beginning to understand.

Tonight I heard my son say something that he might have never heard before in his life. He said it quite clearly several times.

We realized he was trying to truck. But, since his pronunciation isn't always that great, he was replacing the "tr" with "f".

We're trying very hard not to pee our pants as we laugh quietly.

My Prediction

2008-02-16T10:00:00.002-05:00

Here's my prediction in the presidential race.

Scenario 1: McCain and Clinton are the nominees:

In this scenario, McCain will have a good shot at winning the presidential race. Hillary Clinton has such strong negatives with Republicans that they will rally around McCain even if he wasn't their first choice. This extra energy will just barely push McCain over the top for the win.

Scenario 2: McCain and Obama are the nominees:

In this scenario, McCain will look very old and out of touch with many Americans. He will try to win on experience but will be much like Bob Dole when he got beat by Bill Clinton in 1992. Bob Dole was more than qualified to be president but he was of an earlier generation and did not communicate as well as the younger Arkansas governor. There are real similarities between that race and this one. Obama is a gifted communicator and seems to be able to communicate a vision that gets a lot of people very motivated. This energy will spill over into grassroots volunteers that will work endlessly on Obama's behalf. I do not see that same energy being there for McCain. Obama will win with a bit of a margin.

So, we'll see what happens.

Hero of your own drama

2008-01-20T21:42:00.000-05:00

Watched a documentary about Leonard Cohen. I don't remember the title of the documentary. I don't recommend it either. We had to fast forward through some very bad singers trying to sing Leonard's classics songs. The only good song was Leonard singing backed up by Bono.

One thing Leonard said really struck me. He said that when we give up being the hero of our own drama we're able to step into the real masterpiece. His words remind of what Jesus said about giving up our life to find it.

God's kingdom is the real masterpiece. If I'm trying to be the hero, then there's no room for God.

I've learned that the sweetest times in life are when I've tasted a bit of that masterpiece. I become much more beautiful when I step into that masterpiece that is going on around me.

I'm reminded to lay my life down again, let go again, and enter into the world where what God wants is done. It's like stepping through the wardrobe into the land of Narnia.

Thank you for that reminder and your life of musical poetry Leonard.

Found a job!

2007-12-19T14:32:00.000-05:00

I am feeling especially blessed this Christmas with a new job that I begin tomorrow. My last job ended last Friday.

Looking for a job is hard work. On the optimistic side, it's an opportunity to sell yourself to the highest bidder. On the pessimistic side, it feels like no one wants you or they want you at the lowest possible price. I guess these are the ups and downs in a capitalistic system.

I actually had 2 offers to consider! The 2nd one kept upping the offer to make me consider working there. It was a very affirming experience and a little stressful as I had to say no to one of them.

Simplicity has been a theme in my life lately. The job I chose will pay less but will likely be less stressful and will require little or no overtime.

I'm looking to develop a pattern of life as I drive to and from work each day. I've got at least 30 minutes each way. Perhaps a day of silence. Another day it might be music. I want to develop new patterns that will feed my soul.

Hillary Clinton

2007-11-28T18:35:00.000-05:00

I've found the only thing that stirs the passion of Republicans in this election season - Anti - Hillaryism. Anyone but Hillary is the mantra I've heard from several of my Republican friends.

On the other side of the spectrum the more liberal Democrats I hear on the radio are not all that enthralled with her either. Many see her as too centrist, too tied to corporatism, or too much a part of the Washington power structure. She doesn't do interviews on progressive talk radio and that has gotten a lot of people upset.

My opinion is that if Hillary Clinton were elected many Republicans would find her more friendly than they realize on many issues and that more liberal Democrats would be quite disappointed with her.

It's hard to win an election when so many people passionately dislike you. But, George Bush's 2004 win proved that it can be done. I suspect her campaign will do a good job of softening up her image for the general election.

But, I don't think her nomination is a shoe in. I think Obama has the best shot at unseating her. Yet you can never tell when someone like Edwards, Biden or Richardson could have a surprise showing in Iowa and end up a contender.

Personally I'm not enthralled with her either. I used to despise her in the Clinton years when I was in my Libertarian brand of conservatism. Now, I'm not as opposed to her ideas as I was once. To me the biggest thing she'd be able to do is create a real debate over our costly health care system. Fixing this system would help individuals and businesses.

It'd be great to have a woman president. I just wish we had other choices.

Out of my Job

2007-11-18T17:47:00.000-05:00

Being out of my job soon has me sometimes going out of my head! I'm going to be laid off no later than a month from now.

For an introvert who's not big on being a salesman, the job hunt is not an easy process. Looking for work means selling yourself. I know I have a lot to offer but it's surprisingly difficult to toot my own horn. Yet, the need for work has given me a strong vision to push through the stuff I don't like to do.

One helpful idea that someone passed on to me is being reminded of my responsibilities & God's responsibilities in this process. My job is to look for work diligently. God's responsibility is provide for my family. He's promised to provide our daily bread. I'm well aware that the provision may not be all I want or it could be more than I could dream of. We'll see.

Any perspectives on job hunting are welcome.

What I learned in our car saga

2007-10-04T21:28:00.000-04:00

I learned that giving someone who is out of control more chances doesn't work.
I learned again what it feels like to be lied to consistently.
I learned how to ride the bus to work.
I realized we could live with 1 car.
I learned I could pray for someone who was lying to me.
I learned how to use a repossessor.
I learned what it was like to meet with a lawyer.
I learned what it was like to go to court.
I learned how to sue someone.

Our Car Saga - Part 4

2007-10-04T20:32:00.000-04:00

So, our kind lawyer gave the scoop on what to do. First, we write him a letter sent certified mail demanding that he return our car to us. We did that, no response.

Next, the lawyer sends a nasty letter threatening to sue him if he doesn't return the car. Our lawyer said that this letter works about 60% of the time. No response.

So, the lawyer drew up the papers to sue the mechanic for our car and for damages. As a final gesture, we had him send the court papers with another nasty letter just in case that might get a response. No response.

So, the court papers were filed. And, about 6 weeks later we got a court date in the state circuit court. We had our lawyer go with us. We were fairly certain he wouldn't show up to court but there was a little angst wondering about it.

The court hearing was very anti-climatic. In about 3 minutes the judge granted the order for the mechanic to give up the car. We never had to say a word.

Then, our lawyer sent another letter with the document signed by the judge giving him time to voluntarily give up the car. No response.

So, finally, we had a tow company arrange to meet a deputy sherriff at his house to get our car. They knocked and the mechanic wouldn't come to the door. Unfortunately the paperwork we supplied wasn't filled out properly so they couldn't seize the car that day. And, our car was parked in by a couple other cars. We'd need a warrant to move the other cars.

The tow company we used is primarily a repossession company and they know how to motivate people. So, the tow guy got on the phone and talked loudly just outside the living room window about more warrants and coming back to his house with the police again.

And guess what, the mechanic appeared at our door the next day! My poor wife was at home with our little guy and had to talk to him. He knocked on the front door and gave her the keys. She desperately wanted to confront him about this situation but knew it would be futile. He said the he didn't know we wanted the car back. He went on to say that he wasn't there when the police were there but he had heard about it. Hmmm...

We had the car checked out and it was fine! He had actually fixed it. We figured out he drove it about 1,000 miles. We turned over the keys to him at the end of January and we got the car back the middle of August.

Our Car Saga Part 3

2007-09-19T20:17:00.000-04:00

In April I made another trip out to his place with a friend. If the car was outside, I was going to drive it home. But no, it was either inside his garage or he was driving it. We knocked on the door and tried calling him but no response. We even drove around the area to see if we might see him driving it. He said he'd leave it outside for us to pick up.

Then, we got someone who does repossession work to contact the mechanic and then go get our car for us. When he went to the mechanic's house he didn't answer the door. Through the window he saw him sitting in the living room watching TV but he looked comatose. So, he contacted the police thinking the guy was dead or very ill. Finally, when the police arrived he came to the door proving that he was indeed alive.

But, he refused to give up our car to the repossessor. He claimed we signed papers authorizing him to hold the car and work on it - that was another big fat lie.

The police couldn't intervene because this was purely a civil matter. Once you willingly give your keys to someone you can't claim your car was stolen.

So, we were done with the games, lies & excuses and we contacted a lawyer.

Our sad car saga Part 2

2007-09-15T19:50:00.000-04:00

What came next was the circus of lies and/or excuses:

I was sick.
I was visiting my sister.
The electricity went out.
The weather is too cold.
I had to fix my relatives car first.
I have to wait for someone else to grind down the valve.
I'm finished and I'll bring the car tomorrow (heard this one several times).
The car's finished and you can come get the car (except the car was locked in his garage and he was conveniently not around when we scheduled to get the car).
I didn't get your messages.
I didn't get your letters.
I didn't think you wanted you wanted your car.
I couldn't work because the weather wasn't sunny.

And so it went until April. Then, we took the next step...

Our Sad Car Saga, Part 1

2007-09-14T19:30:00.000-04:00

Last January our poor Malibu had a valve spring break in the engine. We towed it to a repair shop who quoted us a price of $2,500 to $4,500 depending on the type of repairs. Yikes! That was as much or more than the car was worth.

Then, we remembered a guy who was a friend of a friend. He had done work for us before and we thought he might do the work cheaper. He works out of his own garage but is a master mechanic.

He verbally quoted us a price of $1,200 to $1,400 with a down payment of $800. The only caveat was that he couldn't finish the work for a week.

We called a few days later to see how he was doing with the car. He said he wasn't done yet.

Then, a week or so after he was working on the car, I am very certain I saw him towing the car away from the original mechanic's place. He claimed he was working on the car when he hadn't even begun to work on it. This was the first lie of many lies to come.

State Secrets Privilege

2007-08-16T21:51:00.001-04:00

If the government determines a document to be secret, then you cannot bring action against the government even if you know what the document says. If it's secret, then the government contends you can't do anything. This is the government's argument before the 9th Circuit Court.

It's a case that was brought against the government. The government had accidentally released a top secret document to the plaintiffs. The document proved that the government had been spying upon the plaintiffs. But, since the document has been coded as top secret, then no case can be brought against the government even if everyone knows what the document says.

So, if they're allowed to do such things, any acts by the government that are illegal or embarrassing could just be made top secret to cover it up. Call it national security and no one can touch it.

Unchecked power usually doesn't have good boundaries. I sure hope that we have some extraordinarily trustworthy people in the executive branch of the government.

Newt's comparison

2007-08-07T21:25:00.000-04:00

Watching a snippet of Newt Gingrinch comparing UPS to the federal government upset me and I turned off the TV. No more C-Span tonight!

He talked about how well UPS & Fed Ex are in their business. UPS tracks 13 million packages every day. You can go on-line and track your package. I agree they're very good at what they do.

He compared that to the federal government's inability to track 12-20 million illegal immigrants.

Hmmm...isn't this like comparing apples & oranges? How does UPS's ability to track packages (which are not human beings) compare to the government tracking millions of illegal aliens?

This is a false comparison. If he was going to compare properly, he should compare UPS to the US Postal system. By the way, I think the post office actually does a pretty good job.

His overall point is probably correct - that private industry is often more efficient than government agencies.

But for someone who is looking to run for president, I suggest he come up with better comparisons.

Debating Republicans

2007-08-05T20:26:00.000-04:00

I watched the Republican debate this morning. I struggle to remember anything noteworthy.

Debate is really the wrong word for this. It's really just a group of guys saying rehearsed lines that fit in short time snippets and sound good on TV. They're just reiterating their well known positions.

If anything, it gives some of the guys who are behind a chance to get their ideas into the mainstream media. Yet, those positions are mostly similar to the other candidates except for Ron Paul of course.

What's challenging is picking a good president. When someone gets into the job you don't know if they were saying what you wanted to hear in the primaries or if they will actually do what they say.

For example, George W. Bush, in 2000 ran a campaign on limiting government. He also said that we should seek to cooperate with other countries and shouldn't try to do nation building. The guy I voted for in 2000 is not the guy who showed up to be president.

I've read that in one of his first national security meetings it was about how to militarily intervene in Iraq. Too bad they weren't also ready to do nation building. Government spending under the Bush administration has been out of control even with a Republican Congress. But, that's OK, just put it on the national credit card.

So, can I trust one of these guys to stay true to their word?

New Man endorses Huckabee

2007-08-04T14:57:00.001-04:00

I don't like New Man magazine's endorsement of Mike Huckaby for president. "New Man thinks he's the right man for the job." New Man magazine is published by Strang Communications who also published Charisma magazine. It's a magazine aimed at helping Christian men.

Here's my problem with this. When a Christian magazine endorses a candidate you're also endorsing the policy positions of the candidate. And then what happens is that the name of Jesus gets attached to a particular set of political positions.

For example, Mike Huckabee is a big supporter of gun rights. He claims to be the first governor to have a concealed gun license. He proposes that the gun owner rights are there to oppose government tyranny if it were ever needed. When Jesus announced the Kingdom of God, He didn't include anything about the rights of the Jewish people to carry swords against Roman oppression.

So, does New Man magazine support strong gun rights as a Christian position? Probably not, but when you endorse a candidate then most people assume you also support their positions on the issues.

I do appreciate the fact that they're letting people know about one of the presidential candidates that looks to be a good, solid leader but isn't getting much attention. I just wish that they had not endorsed him.

Quirky cats

2007-08-03T20:08:00.001-04:00

Mocha made me scream yesterday! Mocha is our 10 year old cat who is sweet and lovable.

Yesterday I was vacuuming upstairs in our guest bedroom. In my attempt to get as far under the bed as I could I must scared Mocha out of one of her lives. She was somewhere far under the bed. It's one of her hiding places.

Suddenly this black streak came rushing out from under the bed and brushed my leg. I was in my own little vacuuming world so I was startled to have something come running out from under the bed. I screamed (a manly scream of course).

All was well when I realized it was our frightened little cat.

Bye Bye Bouncy Seat

2007-07-12T21:05:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we set Mr. Sam's bouncy seat by the curb with a free sign on it. I feel a loss. Someone snatched it up in just a couple hours.

He's been bouncing in this saucer like thing since he was only 3 months old. Here's a picture of a newer model: http://www.gracobaby.com/products/subcategory.asp?N=46+10417+557&act=A20. The model we had was made in 1992. Incidentally, it's also the only toy of Sam's that was made in the USA.

His grandmother found this thing for $1 and I can't tell you how much Sam bounced in it. One time he bounced for over an hour.

When he was younger it was one of the few things he could do on his own that didn't require us to be holding him. We could relax and laugh as he bounced away.

Lately, he's not wanted to bounce in it at all. A couple days ago he refused to be put in it. We knew it was time to move on. Someone else will now get the joy of watching their child bounce.

Mr. Sam has found another place to bounce, his crib. Tonight he bounced for about an hour before going to sleep. He's my bouncing baby boy.

Through the Cornfields to Grandmother's House

2007-07-11T18:04:00.001-04:00

We did it! We drove 1,600 miles round trip with our 16 month old to Northwest Iowa.

Samson saw the following relatives for the first time:

* Great Grandmother Ellen
* Great Great Aunt & Uncle Anges & Vernie
* Great Aunt & Uncle Mary & David
* Second Cousin once removed Kristi
* Second Cousins Rachel & her husband Greg

Along the way we stopped at my alma mater, Wartburg College. The new chapel is the most beautiful addition.

We also stopped in Emmetsburg, Iowa, my birthplace. I lived there until I was 7 years old. Not much has changed except the new casino sitting just on the edge of town in a cornfield. The house we lived in burned down a few years ago. A new home has been built on the foundation.

Samson did pretty well in the car. These car seats are great for safety but terrible for comfort for the child. He could only take it for about 6 hours a day in the car. So, we took our time on that 1,600 mile trip.

I've never seen so many fields of corn. The price of corn has been going up and there's finally money to be made with corn.

Short story writer

2007-06-17T19:13:00.001-04:00

I did it! I finished writing my first short story of fiction. It only took a year.

Let me explain. A year ago a friend started a writers group. I hesitantly joined not knowing if I could even write fiction. We met once a month and that's about how often I'd work on the story. Without those meetings and the encouragement of the friends in that group I would've never finished. Thank you to each one of you.

It's a story of a guy that faces a tragedy in his life that he's not well equipped to handle. The main character is someone you despise, pity and sometimes like all in the same story. Like real life no one is all good or all bad.

Now, the process of editing and reworking the story is next. During the year, I learned to write better so the end of the story is more engaging than the beginning. I want to go back and make it more consistent.

Drilling for oil & environmental wackos

2007-06-16T12:28:00.000-04:00

Environmental wackos is what I used to call anyone opposed to drilling for oil.

Of course drilling for oil is good. We need more oil. It's good for our country, good for our economy and it's good for business.

Lately I've been asking the question, "How would God want us to take care of the world He created?" I'm haunted how we've used and abused the land to fit our needs and desires. Little or no thought has been put into saving natural habitat for animals. We fill in swamps, plow up fields and cut down trees without regard for the consequences because developing the land leads to economic progress.

Have we become slaves to the god of economic progress that we're willing to risk destroying God's creation to serve our god?

So, when it comes to drilling for oil in areas that have been left virtually untouched by human development, I'm less inclined to jump on the bandwagon to drill for oil like I used to be.

Of course I'm no fan of paying $5/gallon of gas. And yet, if that the price for saving the last remnant of God's creation that's not developed, then perhaps I am willing to pay that price.

Riding the bus

2007-06-03T20:30:00.000-04:00

I never seriously considered taking the bus to work until one of our cars got held hostage by our mechanic (it's a long story that I'll tell you about at another time). After looking into it I found a route that drops me off right in front of my work place. It only takes 25 minutes and has been a great option since we're down to one car.

Taking the bus is actually a relaxing way to commute to work. No traffic headaches. Just chilling reading a book.

I admit to having the typical stereotypes of people that ride the bus - poor inner city people. The reality is a broad cross-section of people of all colors take the bus - students & professionals, blue collar & white collar, middle class & poor.

A few years ago we hired someone at work who didn't have a car and took the bus to work. I offered him a ride sometimes because I couldn't imagine someone having to take the bus. I felt like the whole idea of working was being to afford a car so you didn't have to take the bus. I've come a long way from that idea.

I figured out that the cost of the bus fare is nearly the same as the gas I use commuting to work with our car. If you use the IRS mileage rate, it's far cheaper to take the bus.

It's great when I take the bus because that keeps the car available for my wife & our son. Also, it's a small way to reduce the consumption of resources and pollution.

Kevmo

2007-04-16T21:25:00.000-04:00

I just learned a lot about myself in the Urban Dictionary using my nickname, Kevmo. I liked the tall & handsome part. I was a bit put off by the "emits knoxious methane like gases at will." Check it out:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=kevmo

How are you defined by the Urban Dictionary?

Giving up Worry

2007-04-12T18:56:00.000-04:00

I gave up worry for Lent, mostly.

A couple nights I woke up and began to worry about whatever the pressing problems were at the moment. I remembered it was Lent and told myself I wasn't supposed to be worrying. And, I fell back to sleep!

I'd like to give up worry for the rest of my life.

Most of my worries surround a fear of failure or a fear of people. I'd like to be able to let go of these snares and live more freely. As they say in 12 step programs, "One Day at a Time."

I can live without worry today.

"An Invconvenient Truth"

2007-04-07T16:26:00.000-04:00

Let me be up front in saying I've never been an Al Gore fan. I've never voted for him and considered him to be a bit of an environmentalist wacko. I hadn't even considered watching the documentary partly because it was Al Gore and partly because I'm weary of hearing about global warming. But a good friend recommended it highly so we thought we'd put it in our Netflix queue. We watched it last night.

Now I get it. Global warming is a BIG deal.

I used to think global warming was a creation of the left as a ploy for political power. Now, I see this is a non-political issue that needs the attention of everyone, including our politicians.

We're taking enormous risks by doing little or nothing right now. It will take public and private leadership to work together to address this problem.

We're to be stewards of God's creation and we're beginning to see that our collective actions are beginning to harm it. It's easier to deal with it now rather than pushing it off to the next generation when it gets far worse.

I recommend the documentary.

Sacredness

2007-03-24T17:10:00.000-04:00

I'm enchanted by the poems of Wendell Berry. I've been reading and then reading again his book of poems, "A Timbered Choir - The Sabbath Poems 1979-1997."

In his poems I find a deep connection between mankind, nature, the land and God. I think he's able to communicate a sacredness of the natural world God has created. This sacred attitude is a stark contrast to the idea that nature is simply something to control and use.

For example, he talks of trees and their perspective on the world. "What do the tall trees say to the late havoc in the sky? They sigh." (page 134)

Deep Joy

2007-02-24T19:17:00.000-05:00

After a day at work I love coming home to my wife and son. I am a blessed man for sure.

But, after a day at work I'm sometimes feeling tired and spent. So, what I feel like doing is letting my son play on the floor while I sit on the couch and watch TV or read the paper.

The best nights are those times when I lay down the remote or paper. I get down on the floor with my son to either play with him or watch him. He likes my presence and is happier.

Sitting there, looking at this little person grow and develop is amazing. What a privilege I have. Watching him gives me a deep joy.

Lent

2007-02-21T19:23:00.000-05:00

I've never paid much attention to Lent. I grew up hearing it as a season in the church calendar. As an adult my attitude has been that Lent should be everyday, not just 40 days each year. Traditionally it's a time when people fast or pray or give something up.

This year I'm going to give something up for Lent - worry. For 40 days I'm going to ask for God's help to give up each worry that comes up.

If I really gave up worry for 40 days, I know I would be different. Much of my stress the past 9 months is worrying about the worse case scenarios that never happen. Where is God in worry?

I'll let you know how this Lenten experiment turns out.

Scrabble Monster

2007-02-18T15:28:00.000-05:00

A Scrabble monster has been created. Captain Wow used to be a lowly Scrabble player who was happy to get 250 points a game. We just finished playing a game and she got 428 points!

She got 2 bingos. That is, 2 words that used all of her letters. That gives you a 50 point bonus each time.

Then, at the end of the game she made sure I deducted my 4 points off my score for the remaining tile on my rack. She did that even though she beat me by 159 points.

Help!

Shopping Palaces

2007-02-15T21:49:00.000-05:00

I am why they build buildings like this. I am why they keep doing it. Its because I am here, all the moms are here, the old and the young are here too. Middle class America loves shopping palaces built in the suburbs. And yet, this palace of shopping called Target would be on the low end of shopping palaces.

I'm sipping my Starbucks coffee overlooking the blacktop jungle highlighted by a few well placed trees giving the illusion of a natural landscape. I like a place to park so they built this parking lot for me covering over acres and acres of grassland and swamps which displaced or killed all of the animals & insects & plants that once lived here.

I expect a place to part my motored chariot. I expect a nice big store with lots of low prices of stuff mostly made in China.

I don't like what I've created.

The Mall

2007-02-11T11:06:00.000-05:00

I've been visiting the mall more in the past 2 months than I've visited in the past 2 years. It's one of the few places in the dead of winter that we can put our little boy in the stroller and walk. And, since he can now crawl, he plays in the kids area. So, I'm grateful for these opportunities for our little guy.

On the other hand, I'm appalled at the mall. The mall is a well adorned warehouse filled with products mostly made in other countries. The stores are mostly staffed by low wage check out clerks. Most of the products have huge mark ups over their cost. Who benefits in this situation?

The mall promotes a culture of materialism and consumerism. Or, perhaps the mall is the result of our insatiable desire for stuff. Yes, we need clothes so I have no problem with that. Yet, our local mall probably has 50 stores all selling clothes. Some variety is good but this is overkill.

We live in a free society so people are able to buy and build whatever we want. Yet, I have a sense that this kind of culture leads us away from a life that is good for our soul.

Harold Lloyd

2007-02-02T19:08:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid PBS used to air some Harold Lloyd silent movies. I loved those comedies.

So, we just rented a DVD that had a few of his movies on it. The must see is "Safety Last." The scene of him climbing the building is unforgettable. We thought it was a fake background because the scene seemed so real. But, it's not fake. See this and enlarge the photo gallery pictures. That's a real background of downtown Los Angeles in 1923.

What's amazing is that with these silent movies they really had to act. No words to communicate so you had to act it out. The music and a few worded placards are all you have to go on. But, 84 years later we had no problem understanding what was going on because it was so well done. Be careful to not look away or else you'll miss something.

Do unto others?

2007-01-29T19:32:00.000-05:00

Is it possible to have a foreign policy that follows the principle of "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you"?

I recently heard that 8 billion dollars is all it would take to give the entire world clean drinking water and a sanitary sewage system. Imagine the power of doing good to poorest of the poor throughout the world.

I've had enough with how the US government gives lip service to doing good for others but is really about just furthering our national interests. Quid pro quo seems to be the norm. For example, support us in Iraq and we'll give you x, y & z. Or, support our war on terror and we'll ignore the fact that you're a dictator.

What if we really started caring for other people instead of using them to suit our purposes? Perhaps that attitude in our foreign policy might be the best thing for our national interests.

America invaded

2007-01-29T19:08:00.000-05:00

I hear some people wonder why the Iraqis are fighting against us even though we're there to help them. So, I tried to imagine how Americans might react if we were invaded by another country.

We're proud, independent and stubborn.

I think we'd rebel at all costs even if that outside force was here for our benefit. We'd rebel even if it made our situation worse. We want to solve our own problems and not have anyone else interfere.

This helped me understand a piece of why so many Iraqis fight our presence there even if it might help them in the long run.

Not in charge of the universe

2007-01-28T21:23:00.000-05:00

"...there is no particular reason why I should get what I want today, because I am not in charge of the universe." These wise words are from Dallas Willard's book, "Renovation of the Heart".

Writing these words in my journal today was particularly apt because we got another round of bad news on our car - costly engine problems. This is not what I wanted today.

Much of my frustration in life comes from my inability to roll with whatever comes my way. I want things my way. I want control.

But, it seems that the way to a life of peace is letting go of the need to have it my way (even if Burger King says I can I have it that way).

Irresistible Bad Jokes

2007-01-16T21:44:00.000-05:00

Do you ever have bad jokes that you can't resist saying over & over & over again?

I had a friend who volunteered with the deaf ministry at her church. Every time she'd tell me about it, I'd say, "What?" She'd faithfully repeat what she had just said even though I had clearly heard everything she said.

Another friend works in the lead poisoning prevention program. I never tire in telling this friend that lead pencils are the problem because kids are eating them.

Truth be told, I do pass gas on occasion. But, let that never pass my lips because it's much more fun to blame any noises and smells on the unsuspecting cats, naive son or my beautiful wife. A funny little story on this one. The other night we had a neighbor over for a game of Scrabble. I let a fart go by mistake. My wife thought it was our son so she said, "good one." I will admit it was me and not my son.

2 billion a week

2006-12-28T19:50:00.000-05:00

Here's what the American government is spending in Iraq:

$2,000,000,000.00 each week

$285,714,285.71 each day

$11,904,761.90 each hour

$198,412.70 each minute

$3,306.88 each second

Approximate total spent so far: $353,883,517,000.00

Amount borrowed to pay for the war: $353,883,517,000.00

Weirdness

2006-12-28T19:04:00.000-05:00

In honor of being tagged by the PickleOs, I will do my own set of 6 weird things about me.

1. I like drinking hot water. I got this peculiar habit when I lived in China where all the water had to be boiled.

2. Unlike the rest of the world, I don't like chocolate and nuts combined. Hold the Snickers bar please.

3. I try to practice the Alexander Technique. You can read my initial impressions of this on my 11/21/05 blog post.

4. I'm trying to memorize the 12 words that have the letter "q" in them but not the letter "u". This is a strategy to help me win against my dear mother & mother in law in Scrabble. When's the last time you used qwerty in a sentence?

5. At night I sleep with my feet sticking out from under the covers. Hot feet means no sleep.

6. After college, I lived in 7 different cities in 8 years.

There, done.

New Dad praying

2006-12-06T19:05:00.000-05:00

Being a new dad has changed the way I pray. It feels like I pray less.

I used to pray for my own needs. I used to pray for other people too. Now, I seem too tired and distracted to do much of that even though I think it would be great to be consistent in this kind of prayer.

But, I have been praying consistently for my 9 month old son. I pray that he will grow up to be strong and healthy in body, soul, mind and spirit. I pray that I will pass on as little emotional baggage so that he can approach the world with trust and strength rather than fear and shame. Finally I pray that he will love Jesus, be His disciple and bless many people.

So, even though I pray less than I used to, I feel a powerful intensity in praying for my son. Few things are as powerful in life as the blessing of your father.

Writers Group

2006-11-29T19:27:00.000-05:00

A fellow blogger has started a writing group here in West Michigan and invited me to be a part of it. I felt timid going to into it because I've never written any fiction before. But I thought, what the heck, let's give it a try.

I'm amazed at how I'm enjoying this new writing experience. I am learning to step in the shoes of my character and look at the world through his eyes. He's a crusty character with plenty of foibles. Yet, I can see how much of his bad behavior is driven by own fears that he tries to cover up.

Seeing the movie, "Stranger Than Fiction" was helpful too. It reminded me to treat my character with some compassion. You'll understand what I mean if you see the movie. I highly recommend the movie. It's not your typical Will Ferrell movie.

The day before the last writers group met, I hadn't written anything so I had to write something during my lunch hour. I was stunned at how 2 1/2 pages of the story came tumbling out in just 30 minutes. Where did this come from? I hadn't thought about any of it ahead of time. It was just waiting there to be written. Wow.

Granholm vs Devos Debate #3

2006-10-16T21:07:00.000-04:00

I feel a little better after this debate. There was much less bickering and a lot more issue driven debate.

But, I must say that Granholm fights dirty. She reminds me of a boxer who likes to box cleanly most of the time but then throws in a few hits below the belt. Each debate she tries to bring up a zinger that is meant to catch Devos off guard and to make him look bad. Tonight she said that Devos incorporated subsidiary businesses of Amway in the Bahamas to avoid American taxes. He exclaimed that it wasn't true. As a voter, I'm left trying to figure out who's telling the truth.

I give Devos credit tonight for sticking to the issues and spending less time trying to counter her personal attacks. He actually spelled out a little bit more of his economic plan rather than just telling us to look at his 134 point plan online. For example he said that he would open 9 new trade offices around the world. Right now Michigan only has 1 office. He proposes not only eliminating the Single Business Tax but also the Personal Property Tax and replacing the taxes with a fairer system. He said that these things would create an environment to attract businesses to the state.

Those proposals sound great but then I scratch my head Mr. Devos and ask again how are you going to replace 3.7 billion dollars in government revenue? You said you'd only replace 1 billion of the 2 billion that the Single Business Tax brings in. Mr. Devos, you said we need to increase government spending to hire more police officers in Michigan. How do you propose to do that when you're also cutting 1 billion out of the general fund? How do you propose to increase revenue sharing to cities if you're going to be cutting so much of government revenue? How are you going to make higher education more affordable with that kind of a cut? You've failed to answer that basic question.

Governor, you've had 4 tough years. It'd be tough for any governor, Republican or Democrat. Even though I'm weary of hearing Devos saying it, you're not getting the job done. Your campaign seems to spend a lot of money criticizing your opponent because you don't have a lot to show for yourself. Your 2 billion dollar fund to create jobs is not enough to revolutionize the state's economy. Complaining about globalization won't change things either even if that's a big reason the auto industry is struggling. The health care initiative is a great idea and I hope it works out. But, if the state's economy continues to struggle there will be no money for that program.

I'm still undecided. I have a hard time voting for someone that plays dirty. It's been Granholm mostly that's played dirty in the debates. I wish I had other viable choices.

Granholm vs Devos Debate #2

2006-10-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

Ok, now I'm really interested to see if there are any 3rd party candidates after this debate.

Child like behavior of he said, she said, is not what I want in a governor. How many times can we argue over whether Dick Devos cut jobs or created jobs as CEO of Amway? How many times do we have to go back and forth about whether Amway got a special federal tax break or not?

If Granholm brings up Devos's record as Amway CEO again, I'm going to scream. You've made your point, move on. Tell me more about what you're going to do for the state of Michigan. She did talk about this 2 billion dollar fund that will be used over several years to draw new business into Michigan. So far, she said it's created 3,000 jobs. That's great, but 3,000 jobs is not very many. How much did the state spend to get those 3,000 jobs?

Devos continues to have difficulty in the debate forum. He was a little better tonight but still not very articulate. He spends a lot of time saying we need new leadership in Michigan. He has yet to convince me why he would be any better. A vague promise of being able to bring new business to the state is not convincing. He talks of getting rid of the Single Business Tax and the personal property tax. Great, that might bring new business to the state. But, the state will be bankrupt because it can't pay its bills with all those tax cuts. Or, massive spending cuts will need to take place.

Do I even want to watch the 3rd debate?

Granholm vs Devos Debate #1

2006-10-03T07:40:00.000-04:00

Is there anyone else I can vote for in the Michigan governors race? I was not very impressed by the debate last night.

I could tell Granholm is skilled in this kind of format and supported her positions forcefully. Dick Devos came across as a little nervous. This was a new forum for him I think and he was challenged by it. There were a few times he was caught with that deer in the headlights look.

Devos annoyed me by rarely answering a question directly. He tried to stay on his pre-arranged bullet points. He said that the Single Business Tax should be replaced by another business tax that brings in only 1 billion in revenues compared to the 2 billion in revenues the SBT currently collects. He said it would be easy to cut more fat out of government. So, another billion would be easy to cut? Doesn't' he know that the majority of the state budget is mandated spending? As a result, that billion has to come from the general fund that pays for schools, public safety and a lot of other things. I'd like to hear specifics of what he plans to cut.

Granholm lost my respect by her attempt to somehow link the Devos family to a scandal in a nursing home investment. The Devos family invested in common stock in a nursing home company. Later it was found out that there were a lot of problems with sexual abuse of patients. Why on earth would the Devos family knowingly invest in something like that? Even if you have no morals you know that would be a terrible investment because sooner or later that abuse would come out and sink the company. Granholm, you probably lost any chance of getting my vote with that attempt to smear your opponent.

Much of the debate sounded like two children arguing. You said this and it's not true. You said that and it's not true. Back and forth, back and forth. I didn't learn anything new last night.

Drain Commissioner

2006-08-21T19:35:00.000-04:00

Even though I made fun of the candidate for drain commissioner for taking a pro-life stand in the race, I still voted for him. He seemed like a good guy. To be honest, I had no idea who I should vote for the in the primary. This guy showed up in our neighborhood one night and talked with me. That was enough to get my vote.

But, my vote was not enough. He lost in the primary.

Wake up

2006-08-18T19:09:00.000-04:00

Rick Beerhorst gave me the following quote this morning:

"It may be more important to be awake than to be successful, balanced, or healthy. What does it mean to be awake? Perhaps to be living with a lively imagination, responding honestly and courageously to opportunity and avoiding the temptation to follow mere habit or collective values. It means to be an individual in every instance manifesting the originality of who we are. This is the ultimate form of creativity - following the lead of the deep soul as we make a life.

We all fall asleep and allow life to rush by without reflection and consideration. We are shocked into awareness by a tragedy or failure, this is the time not to make resolutions for the future but to choose to live an awakened life." Thomas Moore, Original Self, page 129.

My life has been turned upside down having a small child. My perspective has changed to look out first for the needs of my family. I find I want to rush into the future of making more money to support my family by getting and MBA degree and/or a CPA certification.

This quote reminds me to wake up, and not rush into the future. Getting more education might be the leading of my deep soul but I need to be quiet long enough to hear it. I think it might be time for a silent retreat.

Curiosity

2006-08-17T20:52:00.000-04:00

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect." Samuel Johnston

I've noticed that curiosity is also the characteristic of writers and artists. They are asking questions, looking at the world from different angles.

Children are curious. They ask lots of questions.

Cats are curious. You know the saying...Curiosity killed the cat. But, do cats really have a vigorous intellect?

Asking too many questions can get you into trouble. I learned to not ask questions so that no body would be upset with me.

I try to ask more questions now such as: Why don't we care when innocent Iraqis are killed in the current conflict? Why is it necessary to fill up all of the green space in our suburbs with parking lots and new box stores? Why do I continue to eat too much? Why is it so hard to live on one income in our economy?

Hopefully the questions are sign of curiosity and vigorous intellect...

Pro-Life Drain Commissioner

2006-07-27T17:32:00.000-04:00

Well, I think I've heard it all, and then this.

One of the Kent County Drain Commissioner candidates has announced that he's pro-life. Being pro-life is great with me.

But, what the hell does that have to do with being the drain commissioner?

Island Girl Surprise

2006-07-22T19:57:00.000-04:00

Some friends of ours got us an wobbly bobbly island girl playing a guitar for our wedding. It's about 6 inches tall.

Lately, I've had great fun placing her in odd spots around the house to surprise my wife. She's shown up in the cupboards, in the medicine cabinet and in the car. Unfortunately, my wife, Wonder Woman, was never very surprised.

Ah, but today I got her. A week or so ago I placed the island girl the pocket of her coat. I told her that she would eventually find her but that it would be a while. Today, Wonder Woman came in the house and happened the check the pocket of her coat. She was surprised that she had left something so large in her pocket. And then, she found island girl and laughed. Gotcha honey!

We used to play this game with a little plastic lizard. But, poor Mr. Lizard was in the cupboard above the toilet one day hiding. He accidentally fell into the toilet as it was flushing and he was gone forever. :o(

My opinion of the media

2006-07-06T20:49:00.000-04:00

I think the media's reporting of the news is a mixed bag. Some of it is good and some of it isn't. I agree with the political left & right in part. But, it's not a black & white world. Too often the media is used as a scapegoat to cover yourself from the truth.

Most members of the media probably lean to the left. So, they are prone to look at the world through that lens and report things as such. A good example is that you will rarely hear anyone in the mainstream media describe someone as pro-life. Instead they will use the terminology of anti-abortion. Using the different language can give an indirect opinion on abortion. This is where I think the right wing has a point.

But, on the whole, I think that most members of the mainstream media do their best to be balanced in their reporting. They take their jobs seriously and part of that is reporting the news objectively.

The right throws a lot of criticism at the media for not reporting the good news in Iraq, just the bad news. The right says it's because the media hates George Bush and the war. In reality, the media always reports the bad news everywhere. My local newspaper is filled with all the problems in our community, not all the good things that are happening. Problems catch our attention and sell the papers, TV, etc. So, bad news reporting in Iraq is just the same stuff we get here at home.

I don't believe the media is a part of the vast right wing conspiracy that the left sometimes talks about. I believe many in the media do try to ask tough questions of our political leaders but they can't control the answers that the politicians are trained to give them.

But, I think they raise a serious question that heeds some attention. Most of the mainstream media is owned by large multinational corporations. For example, I believe that General Electric owns both NBC and MSNBC. What if an NBC reporter came across a very damaging story about one of the companies within GE? Will they run that story? What if they came across some very damaging information about a political leader? Would they run that story if that powerful political leader might try to make life more difficult for GE? The bottom line for a corporation is making money, not telling the truth.

I like Bob Schieffer on CBS news. He's a good guy with a great reputation. I rarely catch it though. The Friday news wrap up on the Diane Rehm show on NPR is my favorite news show each week. This is some pretty good balanced reporting in my opinion.

The media

2006-07-06T07:33:00.000-04:00

I listen to a little left wing and a little right wing talk radio. What I find amusing is that both sides criticize the mainstream media.

The left wing points out that the media is primarily controlled by large corporations who have an interest in not being too controversial. So, there a lot of stories that just never get investigated or tough questions never asked. They complain that the media doesn't do more to uncover and report Republican abuses of power. Many question why the media isn't harder on President Bush.

The right wing has for years complained that the media is too liberal. They say that their view point is not given a fair shake because the people and organizations doing the reporting are liberal so they are unable to report the news fairly. They constantly complain that the media is too hard on President Bush.

I think the media must be doing some things right if both ends of the political spectrum are unhappy with them.

Beware of Spouse

2006-07-03T19:23:00.000-04:00

googley bloobleyt goopbly boop...

g;lkjg bmbokwe.b,mdfb bowk,bl bimpoblokdomm

Beware: Do not allow your spouse to have access to your blog account. I sat down today to write a blog post and found this mumbo jumbo saved as a blog draft. Wonder Woman strikes again!

Devos vs. Granholm

2006-06-16T20:22:00.000-04:00

I predict the race will be fairly close unless some dramatically bad economic news comes out.

Devos is going to be hampered just by the fact that he is so wealthy. That wealth is handy right now because it pays for all these commercials he's running. But, many people will not trust him to look out for the best of the people because he's so wealthy. Can someone who's got such an insulated life look out for the good of the people? I think it's a valid question to ask and something he will have to overcome.

Granholm will have the support of the traditional base in the eastern side of the state. The unions are still influential in Michigan politics and they will surely endorse her. The Michigan Educators Association has already endorsed her (without even interviewing Devos). But, it will take more than endorsements to win an election. She will have to show that she's taken positive steps to pull Michigan out of the economic doldrums. She may struggle to do that.

To her credit she's had to work with a Republican controlled House & Senate. And, not surprisingly, they've not worked well together. As a result, any agenda she might have wanted to pursue was blunted by Republican opposition.

Devos is leading

2006-06-14T20:34:00.000-04:00

Devos is leading Granholm in the latest poll 48% to 40% with 12% undecided.

For quite a while Devos had been trailing mostly because no one had ever heard of him outside of West Michigan. But, over the past few months he's spent 6 million dollars of his own money running ads for his campaign. The ads are effective and have given him name recognition.

The Granholm campaign has not run any ads yet. But, partly because of his success, a Democratic organization has started running ads on behalf of Granholm.

Jennifer Granholm is going to have a tough run against Devos. She's the governor of a state that has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country. That alone puts her in a very vulnerable position no matter who the other candidate may be.

Governors, much like presidents, get voted in and out because of the economy. Yet, they are people that have very little control over the economy. So, Jennifer Granholm is going to get beat up on the economy in Michigan even if its not her fault.

Because of the woes of Ford & GM the state of Michigan has struggled and will continue to struggle for the next few years. You don't replace high paying jobs in manufacturing quickly. That's going to mean an unemployment rate that will be higher than other states. Even though Devos has shown himself to be good businessman, that doesn't necessarily equate to success being governor.

Who will win in Michigan?

2006-06-13T19:53:00.000-04:00

The 2006 Michigan governor's race should be very interesting. Dick Devos, the Republican, and Jennifer Granholm, the Democrat, are the shoe in candidates running for governor in Michigan in 2006.

Dick Devos is the son of Rich Devos who started Amway and has become a very rich man. No doubt his son Dick has become very wealthy too. Dick ran the company for a while that used to be called Amway and is now called Alticor. Dick's wife, Betsy Devos, was the Republican party chairperson for the past few years.

Jennifer Granholm came into office almost 4 years ago. She was a very popular candidate that drew a fair amount of support in the more conservative West Michigan. Part of her popularity came from the fact that John Engler had been governor 12 years. The Republican running against her had been Engler's Lieutenant governor Dick Posthumus. Lots of people were weary of the Engler years and were looking for a change. Jennifer fit that profile perfectly.

Life as a Baby

2006-06-10T20:21:00.000-04:00

Wouldn't it be great if people smiled at you every time you smiled?

Wouldn't it be great if people cheered you on each time you farted?

Wouldn't it be great if people hooted in congratulations each time you burped?

Wouldn't it be great if people smiled and talked back to you each time you uttered a noise?

Wouldn't it be great if people got exited about your poops?

Ah, the life of Sam.

Interpretive Dance

2006-06-04T20:31:00.000-04:00

I danced an interpretive dance tonight to John Denver's Annie's Song. If you know me this is not normal behavior.

It was 8pm. It was close to Sam's bedtime. He's tired and getting hungry. This is a very hard time to keep him from getting upset. At times we'll do desperate things to keep him happy.

He was into it. He lasted all the way through Annie's Song and I actually got a couple of smiles from him during my stunning performance.

My wife confirmed that my performance was stunning.

Where did they go?

2006-06-02T20:26:00.000-04:00

Not far from work is a cool new Target. My wife & I like to shop at this Target store. It's new and spacious.

Then, I noticed that there's a marsh right next to the Target parking lot. This whole area that's now a parking lot and store must have been a marsh.

Where did all the birds, fish, frogs, and assorted other animals go now that their home has been paved over? Were they killed when the bulldozers pushed dirt over their home? I hope not. Hopefully they were able to find a new home.

I'm conflicted. I like new Target but I wouldn't want this store if it meant thousands of animals displaced or killed in the process.

Is there a way to bring new development that doesn't wreak havoc on the animals that call that area home?

Samson smiles

2006-05-31T19:40:00.000-04:00

My son smiles & laughs at some of the craziest things:

* the ceiling fan in our dining room will always get a big smile out of him
* the monkey clock in his room - he enthusiastically laughs and throws himself backwards in joy
(it is imperative to hold on to him firmly whenever he catches a glimpse of the monkey clock)
* the bottom of our hanging plant in the kitchen - that's worth a grin too

Some of the things he smiles at that aren't so crazy - Mom, Dad, Grandma, and the frog mobile hanging over his crib.

P.S. I just heard my wife singing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall." I think it's time for Dad to intervene. :o)

Accounting Hat

2006-05-26T20:41:00.000-04:00

I've always valued other skills more than mine i.e. the grass is always greener. I'm skilled at accounting but I don't like being identified that way because of the stereotype. And just so you know, I don't have a pen protector in my shirt pocket. And, I'm a messy person at home. So there, does that break the accountant stereotype?

Accounting has always come easy to me so I've sat back and did little with it outside of work. Lately, I've picked up some of my old accounting books and find that I kind of groove on re-learning some of those old concepts I rarely get to use at work. I really want to get better at being an accountant and make it more of a career. I'm realizing again that God wired me to enjoy classifying numbers.

So, I'm trying on my accounting hat again and I like the fit. Go figure.

Droolly sleeves

2006-05-25T18:39:00.000-04:00

My wife showed me a new way to carry our little guy who's now almost three months old. He lays on my arm with his head cradled on the inside of my elbow. With my hand, I hold him steady.

He seems to love this position. It gives him a look down at the world rather than being on his back looking up all the time. I like it because I can easily carry him around with one arm and it works my bicep a little.

Just as he's learned to love this new position, he's also learned to drool. So, anytime I hold him like this, my sleeve gets soaked in drool. That's a very small price to pay.

What a lady!

2006-05-07T21:19:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow will be 2 years since I got married to this great lady I like to affectionately call Wonder Woman.

You don't know someone very well until you live intimately with them. Being married has given me that experience. I can honestly say, my love and admiration for her have grown in these past 2 years.

Watching her bloom in different ways has been beautiful. I've loved seeing her grace in dealing with 9 months of pregnancy and then being a new mom. She's doing just great.

I couldn't ask for a better wife. I'm a very blessed man.

Religious Sunbeams

2006-05-02T20:43:00.000-04:00

More great quotes to chew on from the April issue of The Sun:

"If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated." Voltaire

"There is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham." Anna Sewell

"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them." Dave Barry

"Nowadays, the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity - as long as you don't point out that people are different." Colin Quinn

The Dave Barry quote hits home for me. I was mostly taught how to win people over to my faith, not much about listening to them. What if I could have asked questions and had a dialogue instead? It probably would have more effective in the long run.

Slow Down

2006-05-01T19:15:00.000-04:00

I find it's easy to be freaked out with all the changes going on at work. Today I was convinced emotionally that I was going to be fired even thought intellectually I saw that as very unlikely.

And, once again, my emotions were proved to be totally wrong. Funny how our emotions can get ahead of us.

Last week when the changes were all being announced, I wrote my journal to process all the thoughts and feelings. I sensed God saying that I needed to slow down. That was what I needed to hear because obssessing about the circumstances doesn't help.

So, the word for today is slow down.

Fewer Hours @ Work

2006-04-28T20:44:00.000-04:00

Well, things have been scary slow at work lately. Lots of grim faces and bad news.

Usually I get avoid the bad news but today was a little different. I still have a job which is good. But, I'm faced with working fewer hours and as a result a decrease in pay.

After my last post of the finances being tight, this feels like a real punch in the gut.

I'm taking this slow because things could turn around quickly at work and my hours could suddenly go back to normal. We'll see...

Middle Class Squeeze

2006-04-27T21:04:00.000-04:00

Let me say up front that I feel my life is full and rich. I have a great wife and a bouncing baby boy. I'm blessed with a good job and people that I like working with.

My job pays me a good wage that I am happy with. When both my wife and I were working full time we had plenty of disposable income. Then, we decided she could stop working if she wanted and she did. That meant living on 1 income. We were doing pretty well but we keep getting hit with lots of increases in costs that make our financial life challenging.

Our family medical & dental premiums keep going up each year. Our medical flex plan is used to supplement the co-pays on our medical plan. The medical, dental & flex plan take 15% of my gross pay. And, each year that % goes up. These items are taken out pre-tax which helps some but not a lot.

Our winter heating bills were double the amount we've paid in prior years. We were using less gas and paying much more due to natural gas prices being high. Those higher gas bills take a bite out of the budget. That bill took close to 10% of my take home pay for a couple months this winter.

Thankfully we don't drive much these days. Being pregnant and having a baby slows life down a lot. Here again, the crunch on a budget gets to be substantial when it costs $35.00 to fill up the CRV. Add $100 a month in formula and there's another big bite.

We live in a modest home with a modest mortgage that we got at a kick butt rate a couple years ago. That payment takes out 23% of our take home pay and it also goes up every year.

We've cut back across the board in order to live within our budget. Gone is the Roth IRA contributions, the optional insurances, the newspaper and the fitness club membership. We've made some major cutbacks in personal spending & dining out. We've cut back the amount we're saving for car repairs, house repairs and vacations.

I am aware that our situation is far better than many. Living within these budget constraints makes me appreciate the sacrifice many people make living on less than we do. My wife could always get a job and someday that may happen. But, for now we're going to continue to make sacrifices so we get to spend as much time with our little guy as possible.

Consumed

2006-04-20T19:35:00.000-04:00

Wow, I never knew having a young child could be so all consuming. Having him be a part of our lives is a joy. It's a joy that takes just about all my time and energy outside of work right now.

As a result, I find it's really tough to blog. I often think about it but I'm so tired in the evening I usually don't get to it. I'm working on a couple posts right now but I lack the mental coherence to put them together at the moment. Maybe this weekend I can think more coherently.

Good Bye Buck

2006-04-11T21:08:00.000-04:00

Buck Owens passed away on March 25, 2006.

The tunes of Buck Owens were the music of my parents, my dad in particular. I sort of absorbed a lot of his music as a child. Then, when I was an adult, I discovered a lost piece of my childhood in his music. I think his music harkens back to a day when my dad was more of a dad.

I remember Buck on the TV show Hee-Haw. When Buck started that show he was a big star. But, wearing overalls and making corny jokes took away from his country music career.

The inside cover on the CD, Buck Owens All-Time Greatest Hits, says: "The Beatles were great fans of Buck and requested that we send them every new record and album when they were released."

His song, "I've Got a Tiger by the Tail" spoke to me as I was getting engaged and then married. In the song he sings about it being a negative thing because he couldn't control her. For me it was intriguing to be marrying a lady who was interesting, dynamic and free spirited.

There's a clip of a music video he did with Dwight Yoakam singing "The Streets of Bakersfield" that's pretty good on his web site: http://www.buckowens.com/

Straddlers

2006-03-30T19:51:00.000-05:00

I'm a straddler.

Alfred Lubrano defines a straddler: "Being the white-collar child of a blue-collar parent makes you a Straddler, with one foot in the working class, the other in the middle class, completely at home in neither world. It's the part of the American dream you may never have heard about: the costs of social mobility." Limbo: Blue-Collar Roots, White-Collar Dreams

My blue-collar side: Nascar, football, hamburgers, beer, Buck Owens (who just recently passed away) & George Jones CD's.

My white-collar side: reading, writing, National Public Radio, Starbucks coffee, jogging, Bombay Sapphire

He says the working class has an ethic of straight talking, being up front and honest with people. This kind of behavior is not always welcome or understood in middle class working world. But, I still think that with some wisdom, being upfront and honest with people is the way to go. I think it can actually work as an asset for you in the middle class world because people learn to trust you.

Openness

2006-03-21T20:51:00.000-05:00

I believe a mark of a good leader is someone who will take the risk to be open about his or her thoughts with other people. The challenge for the leader is that you risk being criticized. But, the flip side is worse. If people don't know what you're thinking, they'll make guesses that are usually very incorrect.

President Bush's recent unscripted town hall meeting in Cleveland and then his White Press conference got me thinking about this. I give him credit for being willing to open himself up to questions from people who disagree with him. He's usually kept himself from this kind of situation.

I want to be the kind of person who opens up his thoughts to others whether I'm in a leadership position or not. Openness works better with my wife, my friends and co-workers.

Living with open hands toward God and others. That's my goal.

Goo Goo Ga Ga

2006-03-09T19:55:00.000-05:00

I'm one handed right now. I've got a baby in one arm so this is a slow post.

I get a chuckle out of how adults go goo goo ga ga over babies (and at my bad moments also a little annoyed by it). This one dear lady at work comes up to me with a huge cheesy grin. She makes cooing noises & giggles a bit. She wants to know all about how our little guy is doing. It feels odd to me but it's really quite sweet.

Why do adults do this? Perhaps even I will do it too...someday.

I've theorized that some are vicariously reliving the experiences they had with their newborn children. Maybe it's just exciting to have a new person in the world.

I'm excited because he's my son. That's why I go goo goo ga ga.

Whew!

2006-03-06T21:26:00.000-05:00

A couple months ago I mentioned that I was needlessly freaking out over an audit that was going on at work. Even though these things have always gone well before, I get scared that this time will be a huge problem. To be fair to myself, I do freak out a lot less than I used to about these things.

Well, I recently got the results. No problems or issues at all! Nothing to follow up on. I can't believe it.

So, once again, that worry was needless. How many times do I have to do this in life before I can just relax rather than stress? Obviously this is not about logic.

The audit hits that button in me that fears the critical authority figure. The critical authority figure will rip you to shreds over any little thing you did or didn't do properly. The critical authority figure is that voice in my head which likes to point out that I am always falling short.

So, I say to the critical voice, "You're wrong once again. I'm not going to believe your lies anymore."

A Mother's Touch

2006-03-05T11:49:00.000-05:00

My beautiful wife has this wonderful touch with our newborn son. She's able to change his diapers without him crying. If he's fussy, she's the one who's able to comfort him. She seems to intuitively know what he needs. I've heard of a mother's instinct before, but I've never seen it in action. Seeing this beautiful quality in my wife brings tears of joy to my eyes.

Not sleep deprived, yet

2006-03-05T11:36:00.000-05:00

Our little guy, Sam, has now had 2 full days at home from the hospital. This morning he celebrated his 5th day of life outside of his mother's womb. The first night he was home would have been comical relief for anyone who's had kids before.

We have him in a bassinet next to our bed. I was laying there the first night listening to him. Each time he chortled I wanted to jump up to make sure he was okay. Then, when he was just quietly breathing, I wanted to jump up to make sure he was still breathing. Needless to say I did not sleep very much.

Thankfully, I slept much better last night. I reminded myself that he will sleep just fine without me constantly worrying. I awoke only when he made his presence known by crying. I feel rather rested today.

Baby's arrival

2006-03-01T23:06:00.000-05:00

Our little guy finally arrived on Tuesday February 28 at 6:22 am. At birth he was 6 pounds 12 ounces and was 21 inches long.

It must be quite a shock for any baby to go from the surrounded comfort of the mother's womb to the outside world. He has to go through the contractions of child birth. After birth he's poked and prodded. So, we've been swaddling him and holding him a lot to help make the transition a little easier.

My wife and I are so fortunate to have this little guy. We are truly blessed.

We're Waiting...

2006-02-24T21:24:00.000-05:00

I've been talking to my wife's tummy lately encouraging our little guy to make his way into the world. He's not been cooperating.

Tomorrow I am deviously making plans to drive on the bumpiest roads in town hitting all the potholes. I'll encourage my wife to go for a long walk (I'll follow along in the heated car). Later, I'll slip a little castor oil in her raspberry tea. That should prime the pump.

It's scary that parents are so big to children. Parents take on a sort of god like role in the lives of children. No wonder so many of us struggle at times to connect with God because our role models sometimes weren't not so good.

I don't like the idea of being a god like figure in the life of my child. I am broken, imperfect and limited. Yet, I also know that as I lean into God, I will become someone who can help point him to the real God. I want him to know how great God is and all that He has done for me.

Quotes to Groove On

2006-02-16T20:45:00.000-05:00

I've been so refreshed lately by getting out of my office at lunch. Starbucks or Beaners has been the spot for some reading & writing. I've enjoyed the latest issue of the magazine called The Sun. They have a section called Sunbeams. A couple of these quotes blew me away.

"The strength of a man's virtue should not be measured by his special exertions, but by his habitual acts." Blaise Pascal - I think of my father's habitual act of drinking that defined much of his life. Yes, he had his moments of special exertion but it is in the habitual that he was defined.

"It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars." Garrison Keillor - I tried to avoid scars by hiding from people for many years. It was a shallow life lived in fear.

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." Ann Landers - Clearly Ann needs to take her own advice here. Do cats count? We have one who adores me.

"A man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble." Henry Miller - Hmmm...

Future American Dictator?

2006-02-14T21:08:00.000-05:00

Right now there's a battle between the President and Congress over his rights to authorize spying within the USA. I have a certain amount of trust that the government is indeed spying on only those who are suspected terrorists. We all want to avoid another 9/11 attack.

The President has been given extraordinary powers to protect Americans but it is all done in secret. Only a few people within the administration know the program(s). There really is no oversight from Congress or the courts.

I am not so concerned about the current situation but let's take the current circumstance and go out 2 or 3 Presidents from now. The war on terrorism will go on for a long long time.

What if that future President was not moral? What if that President used these extra powers to spy on political opponents? Surely there would be information that could be gleaned from secret wire taps that could be used to blackmail people. Or, perhaps, just insider information that would give that future President the political edge. No one would need to know how that information was obtained. And, if anyone dared to expose this kind of corruption, they could easily be arrested on the grounds of exposing state secrets or aiding terrorists.

Is this situation far fetched? No, my history books are full of this kind of thing.

Let me be clear that I am not accusing President Bush of these things.

I'm concerned about the long term implications of the current policies. Without appropriate oversight, we are trusting that future Presidents will be moral people. I don't think that's a good risk to take in the long run.

Ugly Politics

2006-02-12T16:44:00.000-05:00

I admit to being more harsh on the political right versus the political left on my blog. I once strongly identified myself as a conservative and a libertarian. As a result, it's easy to see the weaknesses in my formerly held points of view.

But, to be fair, I'd like to bring up an example of my irritation with the political left on the confirmation of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court.

On C-Span and on radio talk shows I heard people claiming the rights of women and minorities would be threatened. They talked about women having to have back alley abortions. The rights of minorities would be turned back to the 1950's.

Come on. Give me a break. In the unlikely event that Roe vs. Wade was overturned, do we really think that women will lose all their other rights? My guess is that abortion would still be legal most places so that women would still be free to get abortions. Do we really think we would go back to government approved racism against minorities? I don't think this is realistic.

It's fine if you don't agree with him or if you are concerned how he might rule. You can vote against him. I have concerns how he might rule in certain types of cases.

But, making wild accusations about the impact of his decisions is just a lot of hot air meant to get their political base riled up. People who are angry are more likely to give money or vote for their candidate.

I despise ugly political games like this.

Antibiotics Rock

2006-02-10T08:04:00.000-05:00

I'm so grateful for antibiotics that kicked my little sinus infection in the butt.

What on earth did people do before antibiotics? Did they just work through it? Did they eventually die from the untreated infection? Were they just sick for long periods of time?

It's amazing to me the how good we've got it.

My Desires to the Basement

2006-02-09T09:27:00.000-05:00

My boxes have made their way to the only open space left in our home, the basement. I had to take my boxes out of the room that will soon be his.

I feel that the boxes are a good representation of my desires. My desires haven't left the house. They have just been put in a lower priority. Being a good parent will often mean leaving my desires at the door and giving him whatever he needs. Getting married gave me a taste of this, but I think having a child will be a whole new world of this.

Yet, it's not easy to move all this stuff. When the boxes were neatly tucked in the closet I could forget they were there. Bringing them out of the closet reminds me of all this stuff I have. I know I want to go through them. I want a simpler life. I want less stuff. Yet, the idea of sorting it all out overwhelms me.

So, for now, the boxes have been moved. The sorting of all my stuff can wait for another day. The room is now prepared for our little guy to arrive. And besides, I know I will be far more fulfilled by laying down my desires for the sake of my son.

Blogging Anniversary

2006-02-08T10:04:00.000-05:00

Wow, I've been blogging for a year. This idea has legs and has been walking all year long.

My goal was to have another venue to practice getting thoughts out of my head. Writing in my blog and in my journal have been great tools this past year. I am a more balanced person when I'm writing.

For those who love stats like I do:
74 blog posts
961 blog hits
1,983 page views

Thanks to everyone who has stopped by.

Daddy's Goal

2006-02-07T21:45:00.000-05:00

Lily Tomlin said, "I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific."

I love that quote. Lily's vague goal set her up to never know if she actually was somebody. Was she someone after she starred in a movie or TV show? Or, was that not enough?

Soon I'll have a baby son. I want to be a great dad. Defining what a great dad is, will be important for me. It's a vague idea that's a setup for failure.

I've seen some parents look to their kids to validate their sense of being a great parent. If the kids are good, then, the parent it Ok. If the kids are bad, then the parent is bad. It can get ugly when the parent tries to manipulate the kid into better behavior for their own sense of being ok.

Perhaps a specific goal for me would be to express love to my son every day in word and deed. In the process of loving my son this way, I will be a great dad.

Tagged Answers

2006-02-04T12:25:00.000-05:00

I'm very impressed with the accuracy of those who dared to pick the answers they found to be untrue.

1. Yes, sadly it's true, I've never been a tattoo artist. Needles and pain are not my gig and never will be.

2. I could only watch a little of West Side Story and could never go back to it. Muscials have never been my favorite. As an adult, I'm surprised at how much I've enjoyed the Harry Potter books and movies. I do recommend reading the books first so you have more background on the characters. It makes the movie more interesting.

3. I've never lived in Canada. Even though I live very close to Canada I've been there for less than a day.

4. Perhaps my answer is not fully correct since I've never really sat down and watched an episode of Sponge Bob Squarepants. Maybe I'd like it if I watched it. Friends and Simpsons make me laugh. West Wing feeds the political intrigue and drama that I enjoy.

5. Sadly, no vacation to Siberia. I hear there's great cross country skiing in the winter if you don't freeze to death first. Thailand's cultural history makes it a remarkable place to visit.

6. Fried Worms - I know, just a little obvious on that one.

7. Imthegreatestguyintheworld.com - perhaps a bit narcissistic on this one. As a kid I followed sports and played sports all the time. These days I keep up on Nascar and the Green Bay Packers.

8. Northern Canada is not where I want to be right now. I love warm weather. Summer, come soon, please. And yet, home really is where my close relationships are. So, here at home with my beautiful wife, is where I most want to be.

Thank you to all the contestants who played this little game. Your prize is the satisfaction of knowing that you did well with limited information.

Tagged, a little different

2006-02-02T17:05:00.000-05:00

Ok, so here's a little wrinkle to the tagged idea. I'm going to answer each of the questions. 3 of the answers will be true and one will be false. Can you guess which is not true?

Four jobs I've had:
Dishwasher
Missionary
Tattoo Artist
Accountant

Four Movies you could watch over and over:
West Side Story
Spinal Tap
Harry Potter
Anchorman

Four Places you have lived:
Iowa
China
California
Canada

Four TV Shows I like:
Friends
Sponge Bob Squarepants
Simpsons
West Wing

Four Place you've been on vacation:
Colorado
Vietnam
Siberia
Thailand

Four of your favorite foods:
Fried worms
Chocolate ice cream
Macaroni and Cheese
Pizza

Four websites you visit daily:
Nascar.com
Packersnews.com
Imthegreatestguyintheworld.com
gmail.com

Four places you'd rather be right now:
Southern California - winter is like spring in Michigan
Northern Canada - it's colder there
China - to visit old friends
With my beautiful wife, wherever she is.

Needles, blood, etc.

2006-01-30T19:26:00.000-05:00

Needles, hospitals, surgeries, pain and blood were all well highlighted in our birthing classes.

Problem is, I don't like needles, hospitals, surgeries, pain and blood. I have passed out from needles and blood. I feel a bit queasy about hospitals, surgeries and pain. I'm not one of those people who can watch the surgeries they show on TV. I have to change the channel immediately.

I know they are preparing us for all the possibilities of what might happen. During labor I might be glad I was told of all these things, but for now, they have raised my anxiety level.

Having a baby come to live with us will be challenging but seems manageable. Giving birth to the baby seems scary and out of control.

My rational mind says, "It will all turn out fine. Women are having babies every day without any problems and if there are problems, you're in a hospital with excellent care. You'll do fine and be a great support to your wife. You won't even pass out."

To my irrational fears I say, listen to the rational mind.

Bloviating Senators

2006-01-29T19:58:00.000-05:00

I heard the word bloviate in context by a commenator on a news show and I immediately knew the definition.

Rather than ask the Supreme Court nominee tough questions and let him express his views, some Senators chose to bloviate.

Bloviate - To discourse at length in a pompous or boastful manner. The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

I would also define it as people who love to hear themselves talk.

Can I call you and bloviate?

Birthing class

2006-01-16T20:08:00.000-05:00

How did I manage to slip through 4 decades of life and have never realized that giving birth is a BIG DEAL? Perhaps it's because I've never been too closely affected by someone having a baby except my own birth (which I can't seem to remember). I've had friends give birth not long ago but it's not the same as going through it yourself.

I felt afraid. I heard someone in the video say that this might be the most painful thing a woman ever experiences. I don't want to see my wife in pain. How long will the labor last? Will I be able to be there with her through it all and not pass out? (I used to pass out whenever they took blood from me). No guarantees and yet, most women deliver without any big problems.

Here again, is a situation out of my control, that I must turn to God and ask for help and comfort.

Annual Review

2006-01-09T23:24:00.000-05:00

It's time for my annual review at work. It's also known as my annual meltdown over nothing. Also known as making a mountain out of a molehill. Also known as my annual insecurity day.

This year I resolve to remind myself that I am a human being. A human being is not perfect in everything. A human being makes mistakes and needs to make adjustments. If I need to make corrections or adjustments I will take that as confirmation that I am a human being and not a robot.

Besides, human beings are much more interesting than robots.

Less Stress

2006-01-08T19:59:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I mentioned I was reading a new book called Stress Free Living by David Allen. I still have a lot of the book to read but I've been able to implement a little of what he talks about at work and it helped me a lot.

Two things have helped me the most. First, I try to write down things on paper or in Outlook that I need to remember to do. This helps eliminate trying to keep track of everything in my head. Second, I developed a "to do" list that went beyond just making a list of things to do. Instead, I made a list with the next action I need to take regarding a specific thing to do.

Just doing these simple things lowered my stress level and helped me focus better at work during some of the busiest times I've had at work.

Recovering

2006-01-08T16:43:00.000-05:00

I am recovering from three things that have kept me away from blogging of late: sickness (a cold), stress at work and football on TV. The combination have kept me preoccupied with little energy to do anything more than the minimum effort.

I feel like a slug that's been slumbering on the couch for two weeks. At least there was some great football on TV for my slug days. Nice to see the Big 10 win the big games in the bowl games this year. Barry Alvarez and the Badgers clearly had the big upset in their bowl. Some coaches like Alvarez seem to be able to prepare their team so that they play well in bowl games. Lloyd Carr could take some lessons.

The loans are sold and the audit has been sent off for review. The big stressors at work have passed and it's back to a normal schedule. Yay!

Getting Sick

2005-12-29T22:36:00.000-05:00

The symptoms are there - sore throat, tired, and achey. Yes, I'm coming down with a cold. Hopefully with some good sleep and taking it easy I can avoid the worst of it.

When I get a bad cold, I have that general feeling of malaise. The world is gray. "Woe is me" is the settled way of seeing the world.

But, what about people who are really, really sick? A cold is not a huge deal. But, what if it were cancer or chronic pain? Would I have the grace to be kind hearted and generous even when I wasn't feeling well?

It's a good reminder to handle this cold with a good attitude.